Living with a Partner — How to Support Mental Health Concerns
If you live with a partner, it can be difficult at times because you might not be on the same wavelength. Now, throw the daily struggle of mental health in there, and life becomes a little bit more difficult. It is not easy to deal with your own mental health concerns while also assisting someone else with theirs. Today, I wanted to tell you all a little bit about my experience of living with my husband & assisting him with his mental health and my own. Hopefully this blog post will inspire others to help their partners in a motivating way.
My mental health journey started back in 2017, which I talked about my anxiety in Anxiety, My Friend. From that moment on, I felt like I had to share my resources I have learned to help others that might be experiencing the same way. Mental wellness has become a big part of my life since 2017, and I always try to encourage others to be honest and seek professional help if it comes to that point.
It was then in 2021 into 2022, where my husband started dealing with a great deal of back pain as a result of a stress fractured L5 vertebrae. That physical pain also turned into mental pain, and it was really hard to watch at points. To hurt so bad because you have no idea to help your partner / loved one was something I tried to deal with for months. Eventually, we both found coping mechanisms that help each of us in our times of mental hardship.
And that is why I wanted today’s blog post dedicated to ways you can assist your partner / loved one with, when it comes to their mental health. Let’s get into it…
Encourage them to seek help
Ask them if they are feeling depressed or anxious
Of course, not everyone deals with just depression or just anxiety. People can deal with a vast range of mental health concerns, so it is important to remember that mental health is not black and white. There is actually a good bit of gray, which is why we must all remember to treat everyone’s mental health concerns as unique as they are. Sometimes, people need a probing question to get them to say out loud “yeah, I think I am [anxious/depressed/etc.]” Just don’t probe too much, or it could bother the other person.
Help them find a therapist or psychiatrist
I was very thankful to be able to find a therapist and psychiatrist through my university at the time, but not everyone is that fortunate. There are many local and statewide resources available to find mental health professionals. Some sites that I recommend for finding mental health professionals in your area are:
Offer to go with them to their first appointment
The first appointment with a therapist, psychiatrist, or any other mental health professional can be daunting at first. It is important to realize that having this first appointment is a big step in self-realization of mental health being also a form of self-care. You don’t have to go to every appointment with them. But understand that it isn’t so strange for them to ask you to tag along with them to an appointment for support.
Give them a list of resources that you have found helpful
One of the first things I did when my husband was experiencing mental health symptoms that I have experienced before, I jumped straight ahead to helpful websites & apps that helped in my recovery process. I still use a lot of website & apps today to aid in my mental health and keeping it at its’ peak, and I would love to share a blog post about it if people are interested!
Educate yourself on their condition
Ask them what they want you to know
This is another good probing question to ask your partner, in order to better educate yourself on their condition. For me, I would want someone to know that I can experience chest pain because of my anxiety, and also rushed breath because of that increased heart rate. If I am having a mental health episode, a cold source like a fan or an ice pack is helpful to calm down my mind and body in that fight-or-flight moment that is currently happening.
Ask them to explain it in terms of how it affects their life
To get a level deeper on understanding their condition, it is important to ask how these symptoms they are experiencing are affecting their daily lives. For some, it can be very debilitating, and nothing can be done task-wise that day. On the other hand, others are very high functioning with their condition and can appear as completely “normal” during everyday activity.
Ask them what they need from you
Some individuals do not need help from their partner, as they might prefer to be left alone to self-explore for a while. Or, you could have a partner that would really appreciate a hot cup of herbal tea when you see them biting their nails and rocking in the corner. Whatever you need to add to your self-care toolbox, don’t be afraid to tell your partner what you need from them.
Listen to and respect their limits
Don’t push them to do things they can’t do
When it comes to understanding your partners’ mental health concerns, it is also important to recognize their limits and respect them by not pushing them to do things they can’t do, or don’t want to do. Some people are not ready to speak to a therapist or psychiatrist. Other people might not want to get medication just yet. Just respect their limits, but also keep in mind that sometimes, intervening may need to happen (i.e., in case they are in harm's way and/or might intend to harm themselves).
Don’t force them to talk about things they don’t want to talk about
Another way to respect your partners’ limits is by cutting the conversation short when it comes to a topic or aspect that they really don’t want to discuss at that moment. There are times that I do want to be open and honest about what I am currently experiencing in my mind. And other times, I just want to drown the noise and get distracted by the vast content available on the internet, like cute puppy videos.
Loving someone with mental health concerns can be difficult at times — but your support can make a big difference in their life
Mention the importance of seeking professional help
Use your internal Jiminy Cricket (your conscience) to air on the side of caution when seeking professional help for a mental health condition. There are some companies that cannot be as educated as they should be with different diagnoses, so just be wary when it comes time to make a selection for the professional that can help you. Regardless, I couldn’t be more thankful for the therapist & psychiatrist I had handy through my university to get me started on adding tools to my self-care toolbox.
I hope you learned something new today in this blog post, or maybe gained a new perspective on how to help your partner out.
Feel free to share this blog post with your friends, loved ones, or the strangers you follow on social media — I won’t tell you what to do.
